In Other News…

Opinion

Opinion by George McClellan:
Oh, I heard some good news today. The USDA has announced that they intend to virtually track every single crustacean (exoskeleton fish) imported into the United States. This in response to a two billon dollar criminal smuggling enterprise recently uncovered, selling tons of crustaceans stolen from other country’s in US markets. Shocking, absolutely shocking!

This has to be a wonderful accomplishment right up there with the USDA being able to track down, to their very birth stall, every calf born or imported into the US when in search of an audit trail for mad cow disease.

It was supposed that these crustacean creatures would be assigned a bar code or individual serial number etched onto their exoskeletons to prove their origin, keep count of their numbers and extract the necessary tax due. That’s rather like issuing Social Security numbers to illegal Mexicans, isn’t it? Naw! That’s too hard. But, we hear very little of mad cow disease any more, do we? That crisis didn’t last long and was soon relegated to historical searches on the internet.

I’ll bet the USDA will succeed admirably with the tons of shrimp, also crustaceans, brought here too. What is the logical moral of this amazing story? Maybe the USDA should be put in charge of Immigration and Naturalization. Their success could very well resolve the illegals problem we are suffering through, and costs could be easily offset by the reduced expenses of the food stamp program. Definitely a win-win situation!

In other news, I heard that Jeb Bush now calls himself a “Reformed Conservative” as opposed to a “Compassionate Conservative” like his brother, George, was. The problem is he still speaks compassionately of hateful programs like Common Core, and the need to love and accept the hoards of disease laden campesinos flowing across our southern border as world citizens worthy of immediate American citizenship, all without bothering with the all the little niggly nuisance problems like obeying our immigration laws. I think a Reformed Conservative is kinda like being a reformed alcoholic, not necessarily giving it up but just telling everyone they did so they can secretly keep drinking at home.

In other news, Governor Scott Walker hurled himself into the front ranks of serious Republican’s contenting for nomination in 2015 by his recent no nonsense, take no prisoners address to the CPAC convention in Iowa. Others spoke as well, but the others were spouting old slogans and ideas from long ago, not realizing yet, the party base has moved on. Walker spoke to the future and the problems we will have there, like confronting Islam for what it is, a debauched theory of 12th century fascism, slavery, social depravity and boundless delight in murdering innocent people, simply because “it is written.”

In other news, on the Democrat side, it looks like the Obama people are sticking it to Hillary. Any support she thought she would get from that quarter over her email problems is evaporating faster than our drug laws on marijuana. She’s not going to be the Democrat nominee for President if Obama can prevent it, Al Gore’s is. It’s his turn. He’s worked so hard, poor fellow, and has taken so much abuse for his Global warming cooling blather, his own extensive carbon footprint and his growing obesity, that he’s ready for the job. But where, you might ask, is Joe? They keep him around for the comedy hour when they need a diversion the press can speak about. Remember, you read it here first. Freedom is the goal, the Constitution is the way. Now, go stop ‘em! (16 March 2015)

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