Meltons Make New Additions in Free Agency

Opinion, Team FYN Sports

The Melton family added free agent infant Logan Isabell Melton March 15th 2012 at 6:12pm. The seven pound four ounce addition looks to bring balance to the force that is the Melton household. All jokes aside, sorry for the Rakim, my wife bared her soul and had our daughter last week so I’ve been changing diapers and burp clothes for the last week; however, that doesn’t mean that the happenings in the sports’ world has gone unnoticed. In fact I had some other titles for this column, like: Football’s “March Madness”; King Goodell “Reigns” Down on Saints; Peyton Finally Beats F.U.F.; however, I had to go with the best congratulatory text I got after my daughter’s birth, shout out to Craig Montgomery, thanks for the text.First of all I can’t relay the ultimate joy I feel with the Roger Goddell’s decision to bring a hurricane of pain to Peyton’s (Sean) Bountiful Boba Fetts, the New Orleans Saints. I must say that I was second line dancing down the street like an extra in Rhianna’s “Umbrella” video. Head coach, Sean “Pay for Pain” Peyton, is suspended for a whole year, and general manager, Mickey “Quiet as a Church Mouse” Loomis, is suspended for half a year, plus they lose their next two second round picks. I haven’t been this happy since the announcement that “The Air Mags,” aka the shoes from Back to the Future 2, were actually coming out. When you couple Peyton’s penalty with Drew Brees’ blowing off the franchise tag, the Falcons are all but assured of a playoff spot.

I know when it comes to the Bountiful Boba Fetts, I am not objective. I was actively rooting for Goddell to bring the hammer down like a carpenter working overtime; however, the objective football fan in me was outraged, at first; due to the fact that Bill Belicheat CHEATED FOR SEVEN YEARS AND WAS SUSPENDED FOR ZERO GAMES. However, upon further inspection I must admit that, while the penalties could easily be argued to be excessive, they could just as easily be justified for one reason and one reason only. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.
Bill Belicheat came clean the minute the NFL came calling. He admitted that he had been cheating for seven years, while invoking the Dave Chappelle, “I didn’t know I couldn’t do that,” defense. The Bountiful Boba Fetts chose to do the opposite, and deceive the NFL brass when the investigation began way back in 2010; therefore, they paid the price. My momma used to tell me when I was growing up, “honesty is the best policy.” The punishment is always more severe when you lie, unless of course the one lying happens to be a politician.

Of course I have to address Peyton “Pain in the Neck” Manning finally getting a win over F.U.F. and the subsequent trade of Tears Tebow to Rex Ryan’s foot patrol, otherwise known as the N.Y. Jets. I must say that I thought that San Francisco offered the best chance to win a Super Bowl. They got to the NFC championship game with Alex “At Least I’m better Than Jamarcus Russell and Ryan Leaf” Smith. With a somewhat healthy Manning they would have to enter the season as the favorite in the NFC. However, word is that Manning didn’t want to face his brother in a playoff game unless it was the Super Bowl. I can respect that.

I thought that he would go to Tennessee if for no other reason than the opportunity to play the Colts twice a year, but it looks like finally beating F.U.F. was just too much to pass up. I guess he figured if Denver can make the playoffs with a linebacker playing quarterback then anything is possible with quarterback with Peyton’s ability. Kudos to John Elway, who managed to jettison off a fan favorite to the Jets, while replacing him with an undeniable upgrade.

I will admit that I am intrigued by Tears Tebow in a Jets uniform, not because I think that Rex Ryan will put Tebow’s feet to the fire more so than John Fox, but because if Rex is smart as he thinks he is, he will kick Tebow over to defense and use him primarily as the pass rusher that the Jets desperately need, while using him sporadically on offense. You heard it here first; I will root for “The Crying Game” if he stops this foolishness that he calls quarterbacking, and puts his hand on the ground and rushes the passer. I’m sorry but a quarterback’s biggest asset should not be his physicality. I think he can be a dominate pass rusher, and I would not be surprised if Rex gives him the kick in the pants that he needs to realize his potential as A FOOTBALL PLAYER, NOT A QUARTERBACK.

Now I know it’s “March Madness” a copyrighted term that billion dollar company that masquerades as a “nonprofit organization,” the NCAA, will sue one for using, applies to the annual NCAA basketball tournament, the most profitable post season tournament in the world; however, I had to address the “March Madness” that has been happening in the NFL. Fear not, I will not be addressing the con that is “shamateurism” and the NCAA’s pimping of college football and basketball players, that’s for another time.

Now to switch gears to the actual “March Madness” tournament, I must say I’m greatly disappointed by Marquette’s exit from the tournament, as well as Norfolk St.’s exit in the second round, and Virginia’s exit in the first round. Let’s go Louisville, F.U.F. I must say that Lehigh’s upset of Duke was satisfying, especially since I don’t do brackets; also fan sign of the tournament so far goes to the Lehigh fan, which held up the “Extreme” sign proclaiming his fan hood but also his level of inebriation.

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